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Thoughts and feelings about my time in Haifa, Israel:
Flight to Israel
Day two at the World Centre
Feelings after I met the members in the Council Chamber
Thoughts and feeling about Inaugural event letter to friends back home
Month Two of Being in the most Holy place on Earth
A couple weeks after the main events prophecy fulfilled
Beginning of the weekend
Mr. Dunbar wonderful class
After returning from Bahji letter to my sister
Letter to my good friend Javid Solan
Trip to Czezaria
This section of the page is primarily used for me as a remembering tool so that I never forget the inmense bounties and privelage I have been given by serving and embracing this world religion directly for nearly 3 years of my life, and also to test my freedom of expression and share with friends and family what is most precious to me. I have not corrected any spelling or really proof read anything. What ever comes out of my heart Godwilling at the moment is what I have put down on this site
Flight to Israel:
It was a very long flight and I slept most of the way, upon arrival to New York everything pretty much as expected happened. I was received by the interview and security for El AL and was very straightforward. After a while of conversation they took me to a room where they brought all my luggage out and proceeded to remove everything and scan for bombs etc.. my camera was maybe the one thing that I found of value to me since I had taken so many pictures with family and friends. I found out towards the end of the searching that they had removed the film and threw it away. I cried so hard that the security people felt really sorry for me and brought me food and drinks and offered me money for the film, I refused and just nodded at them since they wouldn't understand. They then Proceeded to escort me unto the plane and give me my seat and at that point I frankly didn't care about anything or anyone around me, I was so exhausted I cried myself to sleep and woke up on time for them to serve me breakfast.
Day two at the World Centre:
Was taken to Bahji to say prayers, I spent all afternoon meditating and praying at the shrine. Some of the feelings that came across were not being able to pray directly in the shrine because I was maybe so caught up in my thoughts. I managed to walk out and decided to have a stroll through the gardens in the back of the mansion and found a beautiful tree so radiant with flowers that it made me cry, I felt why me, what am I doing here, what an amazing privilege. After weeping for a while I meditated and enjoyed very much the sweet aroma of a white flower bush I walked beneath, that reminded me of gardenias. I tried to remember some of the people who asked me to say prayers for them because they don't have the privilege of being here but I do and am able to say prayers on there behalf.
Feelings after I met the members in the Council Chamber:
As I waited in the reception area of the Council Chamber my hands really started to sweat I guess I may have felt a little nervous, but then I started to think and I thought everyone else was telling me they had all these feeling about entering and leaving the chamber, all these wonderful feelings they would describe to me and based on what they told me I felt they were so much more worthy to go into the Chamber than I was, because I didn't feel any of these feelings waiting outside in the reception area. I asked myself why do I get such an opportunity to get that close to such a higher power and force that effects everyone's spirits so much, why me! I then started to cry a little in the reception area. After this I just calmed down and thought well I probably won't experience what everyone else experiences but I have to go in and just say a prayer and then they greet me and that's it I am out of the room! Nothing to it! Well as soon as the receptionist walked me to the chamber doors and as soon as I walked up the stairs to the doors I started to get this really warm and wonderful feeling in me. As one of the Members opened and showed me in, the room brightened up with beautiful faces all sitting around the table very quiet and I felt as I sat down as though my spirit and soul was trying to fly away it wanted to go straight through the roof of the seat.
They then asked that I say a prayer and when I started to read the prayer in Spanish on believers (I wanted to say a prayer for the believers in Ciudad Colon) I could hardly read the prayer, tears wanted to come out and I was so nervous that I couldn't make out the words and was trying really hard to concentrate on the prayers in the middle of the prayer I felt I should have said a prayer in English because one of the members to my right moved a little in the middle of the prayer it just came to my mind and distracted me from concentrating on the prayer even more. I concluded the prayer and I once again felt very warm and fuzzy but it may have been because my head was so full of blood and was really warm do to the amount of blood in my upper body I usually tend to get really red with anything so this I guess almost exploded my head. The chairmen appointed to talk gave me an introduction to the World Centre and a warm welcoming and asked me if I was feeling good and if life was starting to sink in and I responded very briefly and when I finished they welcomed me once again and I left the room.
After I left the room I sat down for a bit and tried to get my thoughts back and wasn't sure on what to do.. I decided to just go back to the office and work because work is service and I don't need to be wasting time in my feelings just wondering around in the gardens or where ever.. So I came to the office and started writing everything I felt, so that I would never forget what it was like to be this close to Baha' u' llah. And now I have a small headache and feel that the ground is pulling me back down but it may be do to the fact that all the blood that was in my head is now in my feet. : )
Thoughts and feeling about Inaugural event letter to friends back home:
Hi dad and Mom and everyone there!!
Wow, I just took a deep breath after two weeks of work.. almost 24 a day at some point.. I woke up this morning thinking I had to get up and do some more work and was so overwhelmed that it is over.. people started to leave from last night till today... At some points I even collapsed on the tables of the conference refreshment room.. and woke up not knowing where I was... even in the library of the pilgrim house.. as I picked up a book to look at some pictures.. I passed out for about an hour.. but serving and doing this for so many people brought me such a joy and energy that I don't think I could start to describe it. Pure service with no intension of personal gain.. just simple service from the heart.. not thinking about why you are doing it,... or how long you are going to be working for.... or when you are going to get rest.. just loving to serve and being one with the people around you.. brings this joy and radiant energy that is so hard to describe.. I really wish I could... describe what really happened and what went on but I don't think even pictures or video could capture such a marvelous moment.. I really got a feeling of Change in the world. We have come this far in the Baha'i faith, we definitely are ready to face this new 5th Epoch, and the Universal House of Justice knows exactly what's going on... but this is just the beginning of the new Epoch of the formative age of the faith and Mr. Mitchelle was describing in a letter addressed specifically for this event that we are going to experience more opposition even more so than anything we have accomplished up till now within the faith since 1844... this is really scary...it is now time for each one of us to pray that we may be able to accomplish this task on an individual bases... and the Universal House of Justice once again puts so much importance into the Baha'i youth!! Margie has a copy of this wonderful letter.. I hope the community reads it carefully...
Just last night we had a big get together with something over 50 Bahai's on the Beach we had a Congo choir and the Bwc choir sing and play there native instruments right smack in the middle of camel beach Haifa.. even Mr. Semple was present in his casual clothing with his wife singing along.. even local Israelis joined the crowd for singing, dancing , and laughter with a beautiful sunset behind the Mediterranean sea and wonderful warm weather.. I felt I was in Africa.. for a moment.. the African harmony and instruments it felt as if all that was needed was a big bon fire with everyone dancing and sitting around it.. it was kind of like that except we didn't have the fire.. I looked to my right side and there was so many different colored and beautiful faces from who knows how many continents.. and then looked to my left and saw an African boy holding a white baby and dancing with the crowd.. where else in the world would you see such a thing.. I couldn't even start to begin to think what the hell all these local Israelis were thinking!!!
SOOOO wonderful... any way I could right for days.. but I am not going to.. there is a lot of work to be done..... I hope and pray that every participant will carry a piece of this energy to there communities in a way that the communities in return with gain from it..
I love you all
David.
Month Two of Being in the most Holy place on Earth:
Today I had an new experience and realized that I may have a little to much faith if that means anything.. I have to be careful and patient when it comes to trying to teach the faith
Sometimes I feel I want to speak so fast and try to get everything out at once but It could be harmful Sometimes all that's needed is to sit back and be a Baha'i and not try to convince anyone.
A couple weeks after the main events prophecy fulfilled: Saturday 9 June, 2001
Everyone has left I feel really lonely all of a sudden.. people here at the world Centre are leaving. Many many people as a matter a fact.. friends that I have gotten to now really well in the past couple months and I am sadden by it. I know there are better times to come, pilgrims will be coming in next week, new staff members to replace old ones and it is going to be open for many changes but am still saddened.. Yesterday I traveled to Herziliya by train just to get out of Haifa and away from everything and everyone.. and it was a wonderful experience.. Sitting on the train viewing the land and the sea, passing old building and homes that reminded me more of where I am and Baha u llaha times sitting in a train moving at 150 mhs an hour, air conditioning all over inside and putting my head to the glass which was really warm.. you could tell it was really hot out, summer has started the sand is white and the trees and bushes in the desert are green it was a comforting feeling traveling on that train.. There is just something about the mere fact of traveling that is soo wonderful.. you don't have to say a word or hear anything from any one else and yet you learn so much just by watching everything around you it reconfirmed my wish to lay out a plan for traveling while I am serving here at the world Centre.. Save money and travel to the places that I really want to go to. Some of them now which I am sure will change in due course are Australia, Rome, Venice, Egypt, Madrid, Greece, and turkey. Last night I heard a talk from Ruyihah Kanums travel companion for many years in Africa Mrs. Nakjavani and she was so filled with stories and tests and hardships in that land and made me want to travel all around Africa.. was really inspired to.. I think everyone that left the room last night wanted to pack their backs and head for Africa.
Well I am sitting at my office right now.. this morning I read a couple of chapters of the Dawnbrakers the beginning describes Iranian Government and the situation before the coming of the Bab. And describes some of the believers and Shiah of the time that were waiting for the coming of the promised one in the Quran the 12th imam . I walk by the entrance plaza of terrace one everyday and many people so curious as to what the shrine is here and why and I can't even imagine all the questions that are going through there heads.. so many people so many tours up and down the terraces.. it is quit amazing how the public has opened up and become so interested it seems like everything you read is just a dream it is a whole other world which you can't even imagine existed but it did and still exists today and being here really reconfirms that and seeing the shrine even more so.. so amazing and breath taking..
I am just sitting here writing my brains out maybe inspired maybe talking to much. But maybe I look back on this one day and reflect and feel exactly how I feel now when I feel down in the outside world I am not sure.. I am confused at this stage in my life.. what am I going to do with myself where am I headed to what am I doing.. how am I going to be and respond when I get back home or when I face anywhere in the world.. all I can do is just leave everything in Gods hands.. most of my confusion is because it is all coming from me and I just have to give in and through myself into Gods hands.. it is so easy and yet seems like the most distant thing for me to do.. its like jumping off a cliff you don't know what you are going to hit , there could be branches or more Rocks down below, but deep down inside ultimately there is an ocean that you hit and realize it isn't a rock or a branch just soft water stopping your fall but the initial jump is what is frightening.. it is just me I am just human that is all I am .. there is an ocean of knowledge out there and I am afraid of falling into it because of those stupid branches that are in the way..
I am just about to head out for the shrine of Baha u llaha and say some prayers.. including my noon day prayer.. How lucky I am to have the shrine a few centimeters away from me and say my noon day prayer..
Beginning of the weekend: Friday 15 June, 2001
I feel very lonely all of a sudden, my emails haven't been responded, people around me are no longer coming up to me. It may be because of the energy I am radiating off of me.. negative energy or sadness. But I am not sad I am overwhelmed with happiness to be here.. its just that I think I find my self thinking to much ahead of me and its seems always about me.
Last night at Mr. Dunbar's class he asked that some of the Baha'i youth to give there stories on how they became Bahai's and it was really nice, everyone's story was different and there approach to the faith sounded so wonderful, but what I most got out of the session at Mr. Dunbar's is that everyone accepted the faith from the heart and not from the head.
Its funny but I seem to really get nervous when I talk in front of people or even think that I have to talk in front of a lot of people.. and I have noticed people that do it and I now exactly how they feel, there voice starts to tremble and things just don't seem to come out, it seems like at times there mind goes blank. I think we tend to think about what we are going to say instead of just saying it directly from the heart as it comes and not be afraid that.. this is why I get so nervous. It is like when you go through some heavy tests and then immediately after are asked to give a talk and you stand up and that challenge of talking in front of people all of a sudden seems so insignificant.. actually you don't even think about it you just talk from experience and not from something you just don't really know.. I rather talk when I need to talk or when I have something important to say than to accumulate my thoughts to sound good. You can tell a person that is self-centered from someone that is just living his life from experience.. So I have decided no matter what I do to never mention myself or I, and just be a Baha'i. Talk only when I have actually lived what I say and do.
Today I got up in the morning not knowing exactly what to do. I got ready and walked out the door and ended up in the middle of the haddar in Haifa which is the lower part of the city. I really wanted to get to the Druze villages and knew they were in the vicinity of the Haifa university, I asked around and tried to figure out what was the best way of transportations and got to practice some of the Hebrew words that I down loaded from the net such as Medaber Anglit which means speak English? Or ani lo mevin which is I don't understand.. anyway I finally ended up catching a bus to the Haifa university and thought well if I can't get to the druze villages which are about 30 Miles from the university I will just check out the natural reserve and forest and hike around for a bit.. I was the last person to get off the bus, and asked the bus driver if he knew about any buses going to the druze villages. He just said to cross the road and wait for a sherut.. or bus.. I walked across towards the highway and looked one way and saw nothing but highway and desert along with the reserve trees.. the other way was just the road back to Haifa, I decided to start walking down the highway and see if a sherut would come by.. but then I thought, no this is crazy and turned back, as I turned back a man walked out from the bushes and sat down to have a smoke.. as I walked by this man I asked if he knew English and he said very little, so I managed to get some information as far as to where or how to get to the druze villages. As I was conversing with him he gave a brief history of the druze people, a sherut pulled up and he said to me that this was his friend and that he knew English really well and there for would be able to give me more information as to how to get to this place. I ended up getting in the sherut and the guy was pretty friendly there were joking around a lot and made me laugh quit a bit.. he said there were two villages and that he would be stopping at the first one, So when we arrived I kind of just got off the sherut and with out a clue as to where the second village was just started to walk. I could see some buildings and houses in the distance through the desert land and a highway. As I kept walking down towards this area , I thought it was going to be a long walk, and it is just to hot but something told me to just keep going right after this a car stopped a couple meters a head of me and two boys got out of the car. I came up and just by chance asked them if they knew about this other druze village and they said that they did and told me how to get there as I thanked them and started walking down again and as I did this one of them shouted down to me and asked me to come back they were actually from this druze village and were looking for a ride but I didn't hear that part of the conversation at first.. I then returned and a car pulled up and I rode with them to the druze village and got there names and said farewell and hung around the village for a while looked at the arts and crafts, they had available, they were really precious and very beautiful but it didn't quite get to me there seemed to be a lot of this back home and it seemed a little to commercial and touristy for my likes but I really enjoyed walking around the place and seeing the culture and there way of dressing and just being up in the mountains away from Haifa alone was such a great feeling I walked a lot that day, had some lunch and then returned to Haifa.
Mr. Dunbar wonderful class: Thursday 22 June, 2001
Well Mr. Dunbar had problems with his voice I think he may be coming down with a cold in any case he managed to get the whole class to pore out there opinions to keep him from speaking very much.. but it worked only for a short period of time ;)
It was a wonderful class as usual still going through the dispensation of Baha u llah
We got to the part of Baha'i Administration.. Mr. Dunbar asked everyone what they thought about the administration of the faith and all the answers were very smart and well put together.. but what most stuck with me from this class is the part where Mr. Dunbar described Shogi effendi and the way he described the world order of Baha u llah and the stages of the faith.. We have the heroic age which ended with the passing of Abdul u baha and we have the formative age which we are living now and then after this we will move into the golden age or what ever it may be called at that point in time.. Mr. Michelle once mentioned I don't know what it will be like cause I won't be alive to know what its like.. but he mentioned the faith starts with a seed and the soil around it is the death of the 20,000 or more martyrs of the faith and this seed will turn into a tree with leaves and eventually will produce flowers now the administrative and formative age of this dispensations is the Universal house of justice or this tree with leaves that hasn't quite blossomed but once this tree is covered with flowers this will be the new world order but then he mentions once we have established the new world order these flowers will produce small fruit that will eventually get bigger and he mentions that we can't even begin to understand what humanity or us as human beings will be capable of then.. we will be at a whole other stage of maturity but it is a process and only through step-by-step development will we achieve this.. then we can turn and look to the past and realize how significant the Century of light really is.. it is history!! And I have been lucky to be part of it..!! Can't believe it..
After returning from Bahji letter to my sister: Saturday 23 June, 2001
Hi sweetie!!!
I am glad to hear from you.. and thanks for the thoughts.. It is kind of depressing to see people go.. but I think the hardest thing so far is to realize things about you .. and to really come to hate those things.. but I guess its good cause you try to improve them.. but there are days that seem that I just naturally fall into it and then realize I fell into it at the end of the day.. so that just gets me down..
but in general I couldn't be happier.. I was just thinking and a thought that came to mind if whenever I leave in a few years and then come back to visit.. I am going to look at the place where I worked and served for so long.. and say man I worked there!!... and I am going to think did i really put all the effort and love I could and really took advantage of service in that work place.. and my answer is probably going to be no... but at least I tried... I don't know why but this thought came across my mind so profoundly that I felt it was really real... and it was going to happen.. and it frightened me, so I am really focusing on really putting love and effort into what I do here because it will make an impact sometime in my life in the future and will be an influence as to what ever I decide to do later on...
anyway thanks again for the thoughts...
I love you
David.
Letter to my good friend Javid Solan: Sunday 8 July, 2001
Sun, 8 Jul 2001 08:08:31 David Allen McKinney wrote:
Yeah I Miss you too man
Yesterday I had a wonderful visit kind of like an orientation visit with some friends to 3 holy places in Bahji, the Ridvan Garden, Adula pasha' and the shrine of Bahaullah.... it was sooo great.. kind of like a miny Pilgrimage.. they told us stories and we ended up eating lunch in abdul a pasha's place.. if you don't know who that is.. look it up!! its part of Bahai history.. a place Abdul baha lived for many years after the passing of His father and the place where the greatest holy Leaf hid the remains of the Bab for 50 years!!! I wish I could describe what you feel when you are so close to such holy places.. yesterday I sat and prayed in the Ridvan garden right where Baha U llah sat down to declare his mission to the followers and pilgrims that were with thim at that time.. the smell of the fresh flowers that were brought in from the people who came by camel and foot all the way from the far east.. and would conserve the flowers and plants in the watermelon just because they knew Baha u llah loved that plant or those smells and wouldn't drink the water just to use it for these plants.. such Sacrifice!!! there is just something in the air when you come into contact with the actual place where Baha u llah slept or did something.. it has such power.. just imagine.. He passed away almost 150 years ago and the place where he dwelt still has such transforming power, such power that no other religion can rival!! We know exactly where he took foot and where he stayed..!! While people in Jerusalem fight over where Jesus died and what he looked like and what they think he said .. when they really have now clue!! We have the Actual remains of the Manifestation of GOD!! I can walk into his shrine and put my head down a couple centimeters from where his remains are entered!! Can you believe this!! Well in short it was very inspiring yesterday.. I really realized how lucky I am .. when people come here they are given permission to stay for only 3 days..and 4 nights.. to go to the shrines.. and me.. I can go whenever I want!!! man.. this is why i just want to give.. and pray when i can for others.. write for you and everyone else. forget about myself.. man it is a waste of time to be thinking about you!! You know there is 4 things Baha ullah admired in people that I didn't read but I have heard from several people.. just four things!!! One of them is Pure and radiant hearts and faces, number two is Enthusiasm and courage, number three is look through your own eyes and not through the eyes of others and number four is always finish what you start...try to remember that .. ...
Trip to Czezaria ( or at least that's where I wanted to go ):
Well yesterday I mounted a train once again and headed down south, hoping that this time I may make it to Czeasaria since my every attempt to make it there in the past had failed. If you may not understand it is because I had to get a connecting train that I didn't know about so I kept missing this stop.. but anyway I managed to get off at the town where I needed to get the connection to this town called Czesaria, this town is an old Israeli town known for the crusaders from Rome and has a lot of very interesting things including a Roman Theater, which is still preserved and used to give concerts till this day. I got off at a town called Binyamina and crossed the rail ways to catch the connection train to Czesaria, as I was waiting an Israeli soldier came up to me and asked me in Hebrew something, and I obviously told him I had no clew what he was saying, in Hebrew I just say ani lo mevin which means I don't understand and he just smiled and said Ohhh you speak English, I smiled back and said of course do I look Israeli? He initial question was where the last stop of the train was, and I just happened to have a train schedule on hand and was able to guide him in the right direction.. and I thought I was lost : o). We managed to get on the train and I sat next to him and we had a long conversation about life in the army and in Israel and he was explaining to me that he was on his weekend and heading home to visit his family, I was so caught up in the conversation with him that guess what? Yup.. I missed my stop.. Czeasaria once again!! I laughed so hard and I told what happened and he laughed along with me but apologized for having distracted me.. I said that's ok it must be destiny that I shouldn't visit this place!!
I ended up getting off at the town after Czeasaria and just walked into it. It was a small village and there was a lot of dessert around as I walked inward away from the coast it turned into a small city called Hadera, by the way it must have been a ten mile walk, but managed to get into this city and found another highway going through it and the highway was going North so I decided to see if I could catch a Sherut going up to see if I could manage this time to get off in Czeasaria. Right when I reached the highway a sherut passed and it just happened that it was heading towards Haifa! Perfect!! It managed to take me to Czeasaria.
When I got off the Sherut I realized that there is actually two Czeasaria, the old city and the new city. I was stock on the outskirts of the new city and there was a mall really close and I was starting to get really hungry, so I walked to the mall and had a wonderful meal ( no fast food ) and then headed out to find my way to the Old city, I was very excited to be able to find this city and had remembered that someone told me that the Roman Theater was close to the beach so I headed in the direction of the coast and walked and walked and walked this was a really long walk at least 10 miles!! But I felt great I was walking through partial dessert with banana plantations and tons of flower orchards and there was a wide bike path that every once in a while a zooming bye mountaineer would come flying down. It was getting really hot, and I was really starting to sweat!! But I still felt great, I felt as if I could just walk for days. To make a long story short since the walking part was mainly walking I reached my destination and it was more beautiful than I expected very old roman things and a big national park. I stopped and reflected on my walking journey and tried to absorb the moment, but then it kicked in the question how am I going to get back? I didn't want to take the same route back and there wasn't any buses or taxis or anything but a few cars and I didn't really want to hitch a ride. So I kept walking on this road that lead me to the old city and it curved around the coast and seemed to be head back towards the new city or at least towards the East where I could meet up with the highway back to Haifa. As I started walking down the road a car pulled up in front of me and a lady asked if I needed a ride, I was really tired at this point and asked her how to get to the highway to Haifa she said she was going in that direction but that she could drop me off at an intersection close to the coast which was closer than where I was.. I figured what the Hell and got in and road to this place had a nice conversation with her about her life growing up in a Kibbutz and Israel in general, we said our farewells and I once again headed East to see if I could get to this highway.. but I realized now that there was just long highway, no cars and dessert all around, but I just started walking and walking and walking and it just got worse more and more dessert and not a sign of civilization, I thought I can't be wrong I know there is a highway that heads north, as I walked further I finally managed to see this highway in the distance and as I came up to it I realized it was a major Highway and no hitch Hiking was a loud and I knew that no Taxi, Bus or Sherut was going to stop on the highway So I kept heading East and there was just even more Highway and I started to get really dehydrated and a little worried but I knew I had to come up to the highway with which originally got me to the new city, I was pretty well orientated and I could see a stop light way down the high as I kept walking so was inspired that maybe this was an intersection that would lead me to this highway.. as I walked and walked and walked ( I know this walking things is getting boring by now but I just walked soooo much that day man.. ) Guess what I was right this was the original highway that lead me to the new city and was so happy to have reached it..
I managed to get a Sherut and it was heading for Haifa and it was all perfect the sherut even took me through some more older cities that was a different route like a back route to Haifa so I got to see a lot of really beautiful old towns and it was just so refreshing to be in that Sherut man I was soo happy!!
Adventures Continued
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